What We Create Matters

 A repost from my old blog on 9 Jan 2015

There is a vulnerability that is inescapable in writing or creating art. Even kept in a private journal, there is the understanding that someday, even after you are long gone, someone will read what you wrote, see the art that you made, and form an opinion about you. The very act of creating opens you up to examination in a way that nothing else could. And yet, we as humans, in an echo of our Creator, cannot stop creating.  We all must do it in some way, whether it be writing, art, dance, cooking, gardening or making families. We create because we must. And we open ourselves up to all sorts of critique. Some friendly and filled with praise, other deriding and hurtful and still other that is violent and terrifying. Still we keep creating. We won't and probably can't, and certainly shouldn't, stop.

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When I began this blog a couple of years ago, it was an educational experience. I needed to manage a blog for my job, and didn't have any idea what I was doing. So I started one of my own to learn. And then, of course, I had to decide what to write. I've always kept notes and journals, filled with ideas and observations of my daily life. I inherited that tendency from my maternal grandfather. He kept a notebook in his pocket (I have several of his) in which he wrote down poems and weather observations, work notes and grocery lists. His fine calligraphic handwriting recorded the temperature, the cloud types and his daughter's childhood moments. He left these behind, but I think, seeing him do this for most of my childhood, made an impression on me that is permanent. And I'm sure he never gave thought to anyone besides himself reading those notes. He had no time for vulnerability.

I started sifting through my journals and notebooks to find subjects that I wasn't too afraid to share with strangers. I had notes from daily experiences, notes from my bird-watching journal, idea files and teaching notes from my Sunday Bible study. I chose something that I hoped wasn't too off-the-wall and typed it in. Had butterflies in my gut. Hit the Publish button. There you go! Out for the world's response. Maybe nobody would see and I'd be safe!

Well, someone did see it. And someone else added it to facebook, then lots of people saw it. And... nobody was cruel.  So I tried again. Not wanting to be monotonous, I chose to write the next entry about my family, rather that my dog. And add a photo since I'd learned how to do that. Publish again. Favorable comments again. Wow! I might get comfortable with this! (Bad idea, comfort.)

One of the things that I had decided early on is this blogging process was that I would try to always include something about my faith in each post. And in doing that, hopefully impact somebody's life in a positive way. And wouldn't you know, someone took offense. And called me on it. Someone told me I was "preaching".  And that it wasn't appreciated. Being a person of very little self-confidence, this one comment caused me to back off and scared me away from posting anything else for a while. It HURT. 

Then I found this quote:  "You must learn to hush the demons that whisper, 'No one wants to read this. This has already been said. Your voice doesn't matter.' In the rare moments when the voices finally hush, you might hear the angels sing." Margaret Feinberg

And I realized that it was true. And thought about my critic. Maybe - that person needed to hear what I said, but didn't want to. Maybe - they were just cranky. Maybe I should try again. Also,  I felt compelled to try again. In my world, a strong compulsion to do a good thing comes from God. And you don't ignore it. And, I found another blogger who was willing to communicate with me and has been very encouraging. So, here goes. May I be brave. May I be interesting. 

My story is simple, small and unimportant. And yet is is nerve-wracking to do sometimes. I can't imagine how it must feel to be called to comment on the world's story and put yourself out there for criticism that will undoubtedly be harsh. People don't want to hear the truth. Even when you tell it humorously. May they be truthful. May they be brave.

I have found

A digital creation by Carroll Joy Sawyer using Serif Craftartist 2 software.

Some History-My Very First Posts

from July 27, 2012 – first real post

Lessons Learned

I’ve been keeping a journal, sort of, for years. And since I’m learning how to “do” a blog, I think that I’ll be easy on myself and start with this. It’s been sitting around for a while!

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Learned it from my dog

I was sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast one morning recently, with Bandit, our little Jack Russell Terrier, staring up at me watching every bite that went to my mouth. We’ve had him a couple of years now, and he has definitely taught us a few things. How to share the double recliner, share meals, share the front seat of the car, share your breakfast, you get the idea. And as we sat there, eating breakfast (he gets a bite every now and then) it dawned on me that there was something more I could learn from him. I could learn about the way my relationship with God should be. No, really!

It came to me that the relationship my dog has with me is very similar to the one I SHOULD have with God. Let me try to explain.

Waiting

To start with, there is the waiting at meal time. That little dog comes in the kitchen at the first rattle of a pan, eager to see what we will be eating. Now, of course there is a bowl of dog chow right there for him all the time, but he knows there is something better coming, he just has to wait. And that waiting is the hardest thing he has to do! He is so eager, so filled with anticipation. He sniffs and stands on his hind legs to try to see better (he’s pretty short), and wags that tail non-stop, hoping I’ll let him do a “taste-test”.

Now, I’m starting to see it this way. Shouldn’t I wait in anticipation like that to be fed by God? I know there is something better to come, I know I have to wait. But I get impatient, I get tired of waiting, I get bored. In the kitchen , I keep creating a meal, whether Bandit is watching or not, but I enjoy his company. The heavenly Father keeps on working in my life whether I am waiting, bored, or tired. Even if I wander out of the room, He keeps working, and the good things that he is preparing will be ready for me, whenever I return.

After the meal is prepared and we sit down to eat, Bandit is right there. He goes back and forth between us, or sits by one of us, waiting for the good food to come down to him. That bowl of dog chow is still there, and he will eat it eventually. But he knows that if he pays close attention to us, we will reward him with something delicious. He’s especially fond of carrots, and spaghetti noodles. Oh, and beef stew, his absolute favorite!

Mark 7:24-30 ( KJV ) 24And from thence he arose, and went into the borders of Tyre and Sidon, and entered into an house, and would have no man know it: but he could not be hid.  25For a certain woman, whose young daughter had an unclean spirit, heard of him, and came and fell at his feet:  26The woman was a Greek, a Syrophenician by nation; and she besought him that he would cast forth the devil out of her daughter.  27But Jesus said unto her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children’s bread, and to cast it unto the dogs.  28And she answered and said unto him, Yes, Lord: yet the dogs under the table eat of the children’s crumbs.  29And he said unto her, For this saying go thy way; the devil is gone out of thy daughter.  30And when she was come to her house, she found the devil gone out, and her daughter laid upon the bed.

Again, he waits, he’s eager, he knows good things will come. I want to be that way with God. I want to be eager, anticipating goodness in my relationship with Him. I have things nearby that could satisfy me in some way, but I know that what is coming down from the “table above” is going to be SO much better. Blessings and knowledge, and love and my favorite, grace.

Well, there you have it.  I hope that you will enjoy this as well as, just maybe, take something away from it.  Let me know!

from July 26, 2012

Hello!

My first post!  I am really starting this blog…to learn how to do it!  You can read blogs and about them, but until you try to do it yourself you don’t learn much!  So here I go, old dog learning a new trick…hopefully.